“I’m not a big fan of watching movies. It’s not that I hate them. I just watch movies less than the average individual for reasons that are still unknown. Recently, I have sat down to watch Spider-man Homecoming. It was just for entertainment. I was not expecting to find something deep in it. But it turned out that I was wrong. Inside the movie lies one of the secrets of self-respect and the antidote to neediness.

Having a healthy self-esteem is associated with having enough self-respect. Self-respect is about having reasons to look up at yourself. Therefore, the reasons why we respect ourselves determinate how healthy or unhealthy our self-esteem is. In other words, we sometimes search for self-love in the wrong places. We stupidly and naively assume that if we do X, we will be good enough. But more often than not, it’s this X that keeps us from any real self-respect. X is not the solution to our problems as we hope. And until we let go of this X, we will run in closed circles chasing nothing but an illusion. Surprisingly, when we let go of it, it’ll work for us and serve us.

This intellectual mess was explained very nicely in the movie in just 2 lines. And then, it was demonstrated throughout the rest of the movie. Here are the magical two lines:
Spider-man: But I’m nothing without this suit!
Iron Man: If you’re nothing without this suit, then you shouldn’t have it.

In the movie, Spider-man is an enthusiastic and an eager-to-help teenager. He is so caught up on the idea of being the Spider-man that he puts off school and other important activities in his life. He also goes the extra mile and interferes with what he is told not to interfere with. And by his interference, he makes a series of mistake that could have killed many people. In the last moment, just when it’s clear that he can’t do anything to save the situation, the iron man steps in and fixes the damage. After that, Mr. Tony Stark (Iron Man) gives Peter Parker some tough love by scolding him. He was right. Peter was acting based on good intentions. But he was making stupid decisions that could hurt him and everyone around him. So, Mr. Tony decides to take the suit away from Peter. And Peter cries. He tries to justify why he should keep the suit. But his justification is as bad as his decisions. It gives Tony another reason for taking the suit back - But I’m nothing without this suit!

It’s as if Peter ties all of his self-worth to this suit. This suit is what makes him him. Without it, he would lose not only his best qualities but also himself. Tony must be a bad man for doing all that to Peter. Well, Tony told Peter why he is taking it away. Peter probably didn’t get that right then because he was angry. But he’d definitely learned the lesson by the end of the movie. If you are nothing without this suit, then you shouldn’t have it. Clear. Honest. And plain simple. It was as if Tony was saying, “If this suit is what makes you you, then you are doing it wrong. What makes you the spider-man should have nothing to do with this suit.”

Now let’s take this and apply it to our daily lives. Where Is Your Suit? You are not the Spider-man. You are [insert your name here]. Just as the Spider-man thought he needs a suit to be the spider-man, you sometimes believe that you need a (suit) in order to be [insert your name here again]. And you believe that you are nothing without this (suit). You believe that this damn (suit) is the reason you are of any good and worth. And were you to lose it, you would be nothing.

Here are a few examples of the suits that we wear and blend in and tie all of our self-worth to:

• Relationships. This is a big one. I can’t live with him/her.
• Job titles. I’m an engineer. I’m a programmer. I’m a teacher. I’m an entrepreneur.
• Expensive shit. I have a nice car. I have this big, beautiful house. I have this big company.
• Social status. I have 5000 friends on Facebook and 15k followers on Instagram. I’m popular and everybody knows me.

​​Those are examples of the popular suits. But I believe every one of us has a few unique suits that fit our personal situations and lives. You need to find those, too. Usually, they are roles that you play or possessions that you own. You find them by dismissing them and seeing how that affects your self-esteem.

Here is why you shouldn’t have it if you are nothing without it - because you will have it for the wrong reasons. You are not going to have a relationship because you want connection, but rather because you derive your self-worth from having a romantic relationship or an attractive partner. Your job title doesn’t only describe what you do but also makes you sound important. Those are not the original reasons those things should exist in your life. You will likely have all that to fill a void inside of you and to elevate your self-worth. And should you lose that, you will also lose your sense of self. And because you tie your self-worth to this something, letting go of it means letting go of what makes you you. You’ll be worried about losing it. And this worry and anxiety are what will make you desperate and needy.

All this neediness in turns will make you more likely to lose this thing in the first place AND suffer badly when you lose it. Suddenly, those things you cling on, your suits, will become what sucks the joy out of your life. They will become dangerous weapons that will destroy your self-esteem instead of building it. Elevating your self-worth from your roles and possessions, and then being needy to ensure you don’t lose them, is a recipe for an emotional disaster. An emotional disaster that will hurt not only you but also a few people around you. (Hint: being around people who do so may also hurt you).

Spider-man did the right thing after losing the suit, Peter Parker accepted the loss and moved on. Sure, he was devastated. He was frustrated and probably angry. But he didn’t dwell on what could have been and what should have been. He didn’t call Mr. Stark crying at night and begging to get his suit back. And he didn’t believe that his life was over. Instead, he started doing many of the things that he had neglected when he was so caught up using and abusing his suit. He used to neglect school. Now he started to focus more on studying and other school activities. He started taking care of himself. Heck, he even finally asked Liz out!! He started accepting the loss of the suit. He gave up trying to get it back. He gave up trying to be the Spider-man. And most importantly, he started investing more in Peter Parker and in what he believes in. How did I know that? Because when the time came and he needed to be the spider-man and save people’s lives (the real purpose of being a super-hero anyway!), he stepped up to the challenge and became that amazing spider-man without the suit. He fought without the suit not for the thrill of being a super-hero, but for a real cause and a real call, and he did save the day. He saved the day not because he was cool –he actually sucked without the suit– but because he did the right thing...It’s about the person inside the suit and not the suit itself...”

5 Mini Meditations You Can Do In 1 Minute (or less)
​By Ali Katz
​
...In order to meditate regularly, you don’t always have to commit to a practice that feels like it's taking over your life. If you focus on your breath for just 60 seconds, you have successfully implemented meditation into your day...Our attention is often scattered amidst myriad responsibilities like work, family and friends. But these mindful moments can offer reprieve, helping to combat stress and bring a greater sense of calm into our day, one minute at a time.
I suggest practicing these mini-meditations throughout the day when you are:
​

• First waking up in the morning
• Waiting at a traffic light
• Standing in line at the grocery store
• In the carpool line waiting to pick up your kids
• Before you sit down to eat a meal
• In the shower
• At work before or after a stressful meeting
• Before you get into bed
• Or anytime you feel that you need to re-group or have a moment of downtime

...Here are five mini-meditations you can do in one minute:

1. Match your inhales and exhales.
Take a comfortable breath in and count how long it takes you to do so. Most people reach a count of 3, 4 or 5. Keep in mind that the number isn’t important, so long as it is comfortable for you. Whatever number you reached on your inhale, match that number on your exhale. Repeat for one minute, setting a timer so you can focus on the exercise.

2. Count your breaths.
As you inhale, silently think 1, exhale 2, inhale 3, exhale 4 … all the way to 10. Repeat three times.

3. Do a short body scan.
Rest your attention on different parts of your body, starting with the top of your head and moving toward your toes. As you notice each one, focus your attention there and consciously relax that part of you. In a minute you should be able to do your scalp, eyes, cheeks, mouth, jaw, neck, shoulders, chest, arms, belly and legs.

4. Try the "Sweet 16" breath.
Inhale for a silent count of 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold the exhale for 4. Repeat three times.

5. Practice belly breathing.
Take a nice long inhale and pretend you are blowing up a balloon in your stomach as you do so. Really feel your belly expanding as you breathe. You can even place one hand on your belly so as to feel the sensation of your belly expanding. Hold for a moment and slowly exhale all the air out of your balloon. Repeat for one minute, setting a timer if you need to.

As you can see, any minute can be made mindful one. As you exhale, think about releasing what is no longer serving you. Take the opportunity to exhale out any stress and anxiety you may feel. On the inhales, decide if you are bringing that same negativity back into your body, or if you are making a choice to invite peace, calm and joy into your day instead.
With each new breath comes another opportunity to choose, so I encourage you to make the most of it.

What better way to start the New Year than with a resolution to love yourself. One of the techniques I used with my daughter when she was in high school was mirror work. She found it so effective she went on to share it with her friends.

Mirror work is effective because when you look in the mirror you become aware of how you really feel about yourself. When my daughter first started this work she told me she couldn't hardly stand to make eye contact with herself. I'll never forget the day she came rushing out of her bedroom and excitedly told me something very positive, kind, and loving about herself. 

Mirror work as told by Louise Hay: 

Mirror work is the most effective method I’ve found for learning to love yourself and see the world as a safe and loving place. I have been teaching people how to do mirror work for as long as I have been teaching affirmations.
And what are affirmations? Put simply, whatever we say or think is an affirmation. All of your self-talk, the dialogue in your head, is a stream of affirmations.
These affirmations are messages to your subconscious that establish habitual ways of thinking and behaving.
Positive affirmations plant healing thoughts and ideas that support you in developing self-confidence and self esteem, and creating peace of mind and inner joy.
The most powerful affirmations are those you say out loud when you are in front of your mirror.
Why?
Because the mirror reflects back to you the feelings you have about yourself. It makes you immediately aware of where you are resisting and where you are open and flowing. It clearly shows you what thoughts you will need to change if you want to have a joyous, fulfilling life.
As you learn to do mirror work, you will become much more aware of the words you say and the things you do. You will learn to take care of yourself on a deeper level than you have done before.
When something good happens in your life, you can go to the mirror and say, “Thank you, thank you. That’s terrific! Thank you for doing this.” If something bad happens to you, you can go to the mirror and say, “Okay, I love you. This thing that just happened will pass, but I love you, and that’s forever.”
For most of us, sitting in front of a mirror and facing ourselves is difficult at first, so we call this process mirror work.
But as you continue, you become less self-critical, and the work turns into mirror play. Very soon your mirror becomes your companion, a dear friend instead of an enemy.